I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
