Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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