I'm so fucking centered right now
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
