It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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