don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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