I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
