What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
