just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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