did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
