Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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