you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
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Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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