just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize