im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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