I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
