Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
