I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
