he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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