david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
