That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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