I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
