It's Friday. Sex?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
