last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
