I want you more than these girls want KFC
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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