Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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