If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
