Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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