I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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