smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How does it feel to date your dad?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize