i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
