All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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