the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
