Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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