I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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