My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
