bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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