Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
