Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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