Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
