i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
