the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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