I need help removing her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
