I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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