Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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