8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
