i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
