That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
50% drunk capacity currently
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Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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