Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
