I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
