I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
