its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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