The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
