im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
