im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
