Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
