we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
