i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
