Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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