forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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