I met the friendliest cop last night
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
