K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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