...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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