so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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