you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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