Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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