When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
