Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
