your parents love me but you hate me
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
