i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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