My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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