Pappa wants mamma naked
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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