Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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