I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i think im in europe. pls send help
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