$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
