got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
We talked him into tasing himself.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.