I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
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I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??