I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!